Inner Beauty

Whenever my dad watches the charitable Filipino gameshow, Wow wow wee, he always has something nice to say about the lady dancers. He compliments their bodies. Oh how beautiful they are, he says. He shouts out, “sexy!” All the while they dance around contestants just in case the audience grows tired of them and decides to be in awe by the sexy dancers. They really remind me of how the sirens were to Odysseus’s crew. My dad is no Odysseus. Well, he is a little, I’ll admit.

I personally don’t mind my dad’s vulnerability to his male dominant side, shall we say, when faced with such tempting sights. Some of those ladies are indeed sexy, I may say myself and if those dancers were sexy guys, I’d be thinking the same thing. Although, unlike my dad, I do not have a significant other. But precisely because of that point, Steph gets upset with him whenever he yells those compliments at those only-for-show sexy lady dancers. [Just as a side note, I think this is the first time I said sexy in a blog and I’ve used it so many times already. I better take advantage of this moment. Sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy]. She thinks that kind of behavior is inappropriate and uncalled for since our mom should be more than enough to satisfy him.

Sexy, sexy.

But we all know that my mom is no sexy dancer. And who says she has to be? Let's say she's SEXY ON THE INSIDE because, according to Steph, my mom, like everyone else who feels good about themselves, has inner beauty.

What is inner beauty, exactly? Is it an actual physical look? Healthy organs? Hmmmm . . . I’m thinking nope. So if it’s not physical, it must be something deeper. It is an image but the actual image itself isn’t important. It’s the lens though which the image is seen by the host. It’s how you see yourself positively. Inner beauty is a compilation of all the good things – the positive things – about you. It’s an upper perspective of that compilation (by upper, I mean that it lifts your spirits; it doesn’t bring you down – oh heck no!)

So someone who’s sexy may not always have inner beauty. They may be a kind of person filled to the brim with negativity or nothingness or immorality (however way you define it. I like to call immoral people, meanies or people who have a bad case of the dirties. Whenever I think of the word/image of immoral people, the first thing that comes to mind is mercilessness. Or a person who did something bad and I can't believe it and I can't believe also that they're smiling about it. Almost like they have no sense of guilt, conscience is never really there, kind of satanic. That's sort of my very, VERY, general description of immorality; Oh Gosh, there are so many facets to that word! It's not as clear cut as it appears at face value, ha! But I digress; hehehe, just couldn't reisist having a go at immorality). They may not see their shining light or they may be shallow. On the other hand, a person may not be sexy, but may have inner beauty. In my book, those people ring the strongest. They don’t care how they look or what others may think of them (except for their significant other). They wear their inner beauty proudly and loudly. And finally, on yet another hand, there are those who are both sexy and beautiful on the inside. That’s the ultimate combo.

So which one am I? I am the strongest one. I don’t mean to brag, but it’s true! I am Bern and I am not sexy, but I have inner beauty. Or in the words of a one Christina Aguilera, “I am beautiful in every single way.”

One time, Ate Sherry, Steph, Jeremy and I were in the library, studying for our finals, and guess who came scouting around. Recruiters from Gilly Hicks. Their job is to look for attractive young ladies and ask them if they’re interested in working at Gilly Hicks (the “cousin” of Abercrombie and Fitch). This is how Steph got the job, actually. Way before what I’m about to talk about, she was accosted in the cafeteria at Stony Brook University (SBU is very close to the mall where Gilly Hicks is, so recruiters target college students) and Steph accepted – very easy. So anyway, we were in the library and recruiters came to our table. They saw Steph and of course knew her because she works there and they engaged in a little small talk. Steph introduced me and Ate Sherry. “These are my sisters.”

“Hi, my name is Bernadette.”

“Hi, I’m Sherry.”

They indulged in a little more small talk with Steph and were about to leave just as quickly. But just before setting out for good, they looked back at Ate Sherry and asked, “Would you like to work at Gilly Hicks?” Ate Sherry, a little flattered, told them how she already had a job at the hospital. With polite rejection on their faces, they turned to me. Like an open opportunity, I thought. But then they said, looking at me, “uhhhh, . . . ok, have a nice day, you guys.” I gave one quick flick of my hand and a fake smile to indicate a bye-bye . You know what? I don’t even need to work there to prove I’m beautiful. I don’t even want to work there.

Also, you know how before I described the ultimate combo – sexy and inner beauty? That’s Steph and I’m proud of her because that’s not luck. She works at Gilly Hicks because she likes it and they’re paying her. She’s kind to all the customers and was, in fact, employee of the month (no monetary bonus, but a whole lot of respect and recognition).

So what am I saying??!!

I’m not saying that Gilly Hicks is a place for superficial people, for I do believe the workers (or I want to believe) are nice people with inner beauty. Like Steph. I just don’t like their recruiting system. That’s all. Part of my inner beauty is seeing the best in others, even when they kick you down (yes, even in the library).

Eh, one more time. Sexy.